Every day people search this question online: how do you know if you have grieved the Holy Spirit? And everyday Christians arrive at this post. It is a critical question to have answered. This post attempts to answer your question based on answers from the Bible. If you have questions after you read this post, please reach out by using the “Contact” link below. Your privacy will be respected.

Marybeth is excited. “That will be cool, Mom. Thanks for the big surprise,” she says. “We can stay at a hotel Friday night, shop till we drop and then come home Saturday night.” They’re both excited. The phone rings. Mom answers it, but she is saying very little. Her smile is gone. She looks shocked, disappointed, and hurt. Mom hangs up, brushes away a tear, and the room goes deathly quiet. Something’s wrong. Marybeth was being expelled from school after her 4th offence of skipping classes. The excited feelings about the shopping trip vanished. Something came between them.

Has that ever happened to you spiritually? Things are going fine. You’re reading your Bible and praying and enjoying your relationship with the Lord. When you spend some time thinking about Christ and His death for you, you pray: “Thanks, Lord Jesus, for loving me so much that You would die for a sinner like me. Help me to surrender everything to You. I want to be a bright light in a dark world for You.” Then a friend calls and coaxes you to go somewhere with the rest of the crowd. You know you really shouldn’t, but you want them to accept you. So you go. Or, perhaps you’re feeling all alone. Your friends are off having fun, but you’re a Christian, and you have nothing to do. You start feeling sorry for yourself. Usually, that’s when we make bad choices to occupy ourselves in other ways. And then what?

Our knees still bend, but we don’t feel like praying. The Bible is on our desk, but we don’t feel like picking it up. Our vocal cords still work, but we don’t feel like singing. The muscles in our faces are still there, but the smiling mechanism won’t work.

Paul’s letter to the Christians in Ephesus lifts the child of God to lofty mountain peaks to view our position and inheritance in Christ. But then Paul says: With that breathtaking view fresh in your mind, go back down now and walk on the plains of earth before this godless world. Live for the Lord. Behave differently than the people around you. And …

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:29-32

Marybeth’s mother was grieved by her daughter’s school record. The hurt look was plain to see. “How could you let me down like this? I brought you up differently than that. You knew it would upset me. I’m hurt – deeply wounded that you, dear Marybeth, would do something like this.”

Grieving a mother is one thing, but grieving the Holy Spirit is something else! ‘Grieving’ is an interesting word: to think that He could love us so much that we actually grieve Him when we sin! When someone robs a bank, we’re not grieved – we are plain angry. We don’t experience grief or hurt. That’s because we have no relationship with them. No loving bond exists. We only grieve people who love us. Our wrongdoing makes them sad and sorrowful.

In the verses above, notice what immediately follows the mention of the Holy Spirit. “By whom you were sealed…” My performance as a Christian, or lack thereof, cannot break that seal. The Bible teaches clearly that every true Child of God is permanently and eternally secure in Christ. Nothing can jeopardize that – nothing! My salvation and security depend 100% on the Lord Jesus Christ and what He accomplished on my behalf on the Cross, and the satisfaction He brought to God by His sin-atoning death. If someone is teaching you that if you sin as a Christian, you could lose your salvation, then click here to request Bible verses that strongly refute such error.

Dear Child of God, the Holy Spirit, living permanently within you, loves you and wants to work within you to empower you to achieve all God has in mind for your life. When we sin, and according to 1John 1:8,9,10 we will sin, He is saddened. He grieves. How can that happiness and communion be restored? Confess exactly what you did wrong (bad thoughts, bad words, or bad actions). Spend time confessing your sin to the Lord; draw near to Him. Read your Bible. Adopt Psalm 51 as your prayer of confession, repentance, and restoration. It won’t be long before the communion will be restored, and the Holy Spirit within will resume that sweet fellowship with you again.