“Why ‘I Don’t Hate Them’ Isn’t Good Enough for God”

Ouch. “Hate” is a harsh word, isn’t it? So we soften it. We say, “I don’t hate him… I just don’t really like him.” Or, “We’re just different.” Or even, “I can take him or leave him”— a feeling of mere ambivalence towards the believer. Wouldn’t that be better than the awful word “hate”?There are softer ways and more nuanced words that we could use that sound better. Cleaner. Safer.

But God is not interested in our softened vocabulary. Nothing less than love for our brother or sister in Christ is acceptable to Him.

We reassure ourselves:

“Well, I don’t hate him. Sure, we don’t connect. And yes, he only has to blink the wrong way, and I’m irritated. It doesn’t take much for him to get under my skin. Maybe it’s just personality. We’re better off keeping our distance. But hate? The hate word sounds terrible! No… not hate.”

And yet—God is not satisfied with merely— “not hate.” He commands love. Nothing less than loving that brother who annoys you pleases Him. Nothing less than loving that sister who grates on your nerves is acceptable to Him.

Anything less is sin—no matter how politely we dress it up.

“Let brotherly love continue.” Hebrews 13:1

This is not optional. This is not for easy people only. This is not for when personalities align.

The believers who first received this letter were already loving one another. But the Spirit of God presses them further: keep going. Don’t let it fade. Don’t let it fracture. Don’t let it die. Because —it will be tested.

If only we had understood at the outset of our Christian lives that there would be friction somewhere along our spiritual journey. A disagreement. A misunderstanding. A sharp word. Perhaps had we been warned in advance that countless spats and minor disagreements among believers far more mature than ourselves had escalated into open conflict, withering spirits, warping perspectives and even wrecking Christian testimony — perhaps, if such alerts were more frequently given, we would more quickly recognize the triggers and catch ourselves before hitting the slippery slopes of bitterness and the ensuing damage.

When tensions escalate, the easiest thing in the world is to let love quietly slip away. Oh yes, you’ll still smile. You’ll still greet them. But something will be gone — love. And when love leaves, it never goes alone—it takes joy with it. What remains is a miserable, bitter Christian life. And there is little more painful than that.

There is never a valid reason to stop loving a fellow Christian. Some will object: “But what about truth? Doesn’t truth come first?” Yes—truth matters. Deeply. But nowhere does God permit truth to cancel love. Even when I fundamentally disagree with a Christian on a doctrinal matter, I am still required, by the Lord, to genuinely love that Christian.

Could you squeeze this into your week? Seven days. Seven verses.

John 13:34
Romans 12:10
Ephesians 5:2
1 Thessalonians 4:9
1 Peter 1:22
1 John 3:18
1 John 4:8

Write each one out. Put it in your own words. Ask the Lord to press it into your heart.

And then go one step further: Is there someone who’s been irritating you? Someone you’ve quietly withdrawn from? Intentionally pray for that Christian and their loved ones. Confess your feelings and call it what it is—sin. And ask God to restore genuine love toward that person.

Who issued this command?

“I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

Why did Christ love you? Were you just irresistibly lovable? Why did He die for you?