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Christians literally leave a fellowship of believers over the issue of tongues and the use of tongues in local gatherings. Are you receiving Biblical teaching on tongues and the practice of tongues when you meet with other believers? The wrong practice of tongues causes damage of significant proportions. Never underestimate the havoc, harm and hurt that the unregulated use of tongues has had in the past and continues to have this very year.

Many of us fail to realize how sharp our tongues are. We fail to appreciate the impact of our words on others when we are trying to convey a little message to them. What we think is a very light nudge or a mild correction can deeply wound the other Christian or cause exasperation and frustration.

Sisters who think they have a special gift or knack for “gently” telling another brother or sister what they think they need to hear often come across as negative naggers and persistent pickers. Brothers who try to subtly signal a message of correction by adding their touch of twisted humour frequently wound, hurt or deeply annoy the other believer.

Yes, some will dismiss this Bible Bite and say the offended ones need to have ‘thicker skin’ and not get in a huff so easily. And yes, we all should have a forgiving spirit. But those are subjects for another day.

Today is my day to squirm at truth that pertains to my tongue. Today, our focus is on the hurt and collateral damage caused by hurtful words. Sometimes, entire families are lost to the local church because of fleshly words directed at one or both parents or to their son or daughter.

Have you read the Epistle of James recently? Why do you think James had so much to say about our tongues and the words we choose to use? Think about why it is James who has so many concerns about the tongue.

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless. James 1:19, 26

So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell ….no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. James 3:5-10

And those are not the only references to what we say with our tongues found in James’ short little letter. (Our generation can also read fingertips when we read tongues.)

When the Apostle James was younger, someone was living in his home in Nazareth who made a deep impression on him. It was his half-brother Jesus. Have you ever tried to imagine what James would have observed in the behaviour of his half-brother during those early years in the home?

While other teenagers rudely lipped their parents and said nasty things to hurt them – this one young man never stooped to such behaviour. While others boasted about things they did – He never bragged. While others exaggerated their achievements and successes – He modestly and humbly told the truth. Others gossiped, but He had no evil inkling inside to engage His tongue in such a hurtful way. While others yapped away, He was the great listener: attentive ears and a responsive heart. There was no cockiness in His responses, no arrogant retorts or off-the-cuff, knee-jerk replies. No needless words. No sin-smeared sarcasm. No smug comebacks. No bragging about something He had said earlier in the day to someone at the market.

Do you think His younger half-brother James wouldn’t have noticed the difference between Jesus and the rest of them? Sure he did!

After the Resurrection of Christ, when James was saved, he exhorted and taught other believers to live their lives humbly before their God and before the world. He was especially concerned with unregulated tongues that uttered words that caused irreparable damage to some, poisoning others for life and igniting flames that caused destruction.

James said “be slow to speak.” “Bridle your tongue” –  or control or regulate your tongue.

I have often wondered why we honour someone by laughing when they tell us about the fast-thinking, amazing and smart-aleck retort they hurled back at another person earlier in the day. We don’t honour people who tell off-coloured jokes by smiling at their joke. Are off-coloured jokes more wrong than pejorative jabs, feisty retorts and smart-aleck comebacks that hurt, wound or offend others?

Christians who injure and upset other Christians with their words and have a track record of doing so need to be corrected themselves. It is a very serious offence to injure, harm or stumble a fellow believer in Christ.

If you are an older Christian and you have been saying little things over the years to parents about their children or about this or that — all in an attempt to be helpful, you will find it hard to change your approach and style of communicating your ‘gentle’ nudges and hints. Some say: “It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks.” Admittedly, it is hard. So, we need to pray about it and ask the Lord to help us. We can ask other believers if our words bother them and then apologize. We need to be authentic and humble, and tell them we are trying to become more conscious of the impact of our words.

The local Christian assembly is to be a safe zone – where believers can retreat from a hostile world and know it will be uplifting, encouraging, comforting and loving and free of subtle messaging when they interact with another believer.

I’ve known far more who left the local fellowship of believers due to tongues rather than the teaching about the gift of tongues. More who left due to digs than doctrine.

It needs to be repeated: when we are together as believers – our gathering is to be a refuge from the storm. A shelter from a hostile world. A place of warmth from the cold world around us. It’s to be a place of comfort — a safe place. Is it a safe place?

The next time you feel the urge to spew out a smart-aleck response – think of Jesus. The next time you have the urge or the impulse to get a little message across to another person, stop yourself. Often, the urge or impulse is not of the Holy Spirit at all. So often, it is nothing but carnality and our fleshly impulse.

The next time a Christian shares with you personally or from a pulpit or at a coffee shop – yes, the next time someone brags about their sharp-tongued response or some porcupine-quill retort they gave, give them the same facial expression as you do for a dirty joke. Don’t honour their quick tongue by smiling (not even faintly) or laughing as they tell you how quick they were to come up with a masterful retort.

Read the newest report on LostSheepFinders.com – Parsippany Christians Building Bridges to the Community

Think of Jesus. People were amazed both at the words that came out of His mouth (Luke 4:22) and the words that never came out of His mouth. (Matthew 27:14)

As this Bible Bite concludes, remember — Our Lord and Saviour exhibited the totality of the Fruit of the Spirit:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23 CSB 

Don’t hesitate to share a thought from your personal experience or a verse that has been a blessing to you –  in the comment section below. Or, if you would like to reach out privately, click below.