Before I trusted Christ as my Saviour I was always afraid of my sins, scared that I would have to pay for them for eternity. I hated to think about eternity, I hated the thought that I would have to answer to God one day.
I would lie in my bed at night and HOPE Jesus did not come back and take my family and leave me to an eternity in hell. At times I even thought that He HAD come and I can still remember the panic and cold-sweat that came over me as I considered receiving exactly what I deserved for all I had done.
I knew the gospel so well and yet I had rejected time and time again opportunities to receive God’s Son as my personal Saviour. At times I had even come close to submitting my will and pride to accept what He had done for me yet there was always something of self that I could rationalize that I needed to do to be saved. I hated the thought about forever, forever in hell, forever in my sins, forever without God, without comfort, without those that I loved. After all, I wasn’t that bad of a sinner I didn’t deserve hell – not for eternity.
One night, March 23, 1995, I realized that I did deserve hell, that my sins were enough to keep me out of God’s presence. No sooner had I realized that then I understood that it was for “the ungodly that Christ died” (Romans 5:6) and I accepted Christ’s work on the cross as the payment for sins that were taking me to a lost eternity. I was saved!
Now, I still think about forever, but I love it. I let my imagination go wild… “it’s not entered into MY heart the things God has for those that love Him”. I like the idea that when I go to bed at night the Lord may come… leaving all my projects, assignments, troubles, cares behind and taking me to where I’ll be eventually… in Heaven with him.
Sometimes when life just has me down, with troubles, exams, failing health of those I love, loss of those I love… I just stop and pray “Lord now would be a good time” for Him to break through the grey clouds and take me up. Snatch me out of this world and all it has to offer to be forever with the one who loved me so much that He gave Himself for me.