Bible Bites
Annual Marriage Reminders (1of 2)
In some parts of the world, summer is the season for weddings. Many Christian weddings are planned for this summer. Some are discussing next summer as a possibility. Others are opting for a non-summer wedding. And in many cases, marriage is not yet on the horizon.
This message is really for those who are contemplating entering into the for-life union of marriage. Those not there yet should consider it seriously and tuck it away for the future. Others who are reading this and you’re thinking ‘been there; done that’ – well, you can read it, endorse it and pass it along. Today’s Bible Bite will deal with some of the flashing lights that you may be experiencing in your relationship. If some of them are flashing, they are either amber lights of caution (requiring deeper consideration and prayer) or in some instances it will be a red light summonsing you to a full stop. Thursday’s Bible Bite will deal with bases you need to seriously and prayerfully consider before ever saying “I Do.”
Marriage is for life.
“A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife
and they shall become one flesh.”
Genesis 2:24
Walk carefully and closely with the Lord today.
Warmly in Christ
Peter Ramsay
(You can copy the section below if you would like to pass along a hard copy to someone.
25 FLASHING LIGHTS BEFORE MARRIAGE
Go down this list and consider your current relationship. If any of these areas are problems before marriage, the likelihood that they’ll become greater problems is high. These issues often become more problematic after the commitment to a life-long relationship is made.
There are always some differences and even irritants in a relationship. Adjustments and some ‘give and take’ in relationships are perfectly normal. Not everything is perfect. But if there are things that are increasingly causing you concern – then take heed. They are flashing lights – if not flashing yellow for ‘proceed with caution’ then perhaps it is ‘red’ – stop until the light turns green.
Marriage is a very serious matter and it’s for life. If any of these warning lights are ‘increasingly’ flashing, disturbing or annoying you greatly, you should be having second thoughts about whether to proceed. As hurtful and embarrassing as it will be to back out of a commitment a short time before the marriage is to take place – if you don’t have peace about it before the Lord do NOT proceed any further. With the passing of time hurts will heal and embarrassments will fade.
Remember, it’s too late after the wedding to change your mind. Marriage is for life. Go over this list thoughtfully and prayerfully and don’t try to ignore any of the lights that flash for you. Don’t sweep your worries under the carpet. Face them head on.
- Do you have a general uneasy feeling about the relationship? A lack of inner peace? (This is different from a nervous or skittish feeling people often get days before a wedding takes place. Most people experience some anxieties just before the event because it is a brand new experience for them.)
- Do you have frequent arguments?
- Do you avoid discussing sensitive subjects because you are afraid of hurting your partner’s feelings or starting an argument?
- Are you getting more involved physically but you are still uncomfortable with ‘who’ the person is or ‘how’ they act?
- Do you find yourself always doing what your partner wants to do? Could this mean your partner is dominating the relationship and may be the controlling type?
- Do you detect serious emotional disturbances such as extreme fears, extreme shyness, bizarre behavior, irrational anger etc.?
- Do you worry about your partner’s lack of interest in spiritual things or how seldom you see him/her reading the Bible or mentioning prayer?
- Do you have a nagging fear that your partner may not even truly know Christ?
- Are you the one who is always trying to bring up spiritual matters? Are you trying to prop up your partner spiritually whose spiritual desires are lagging?
- Are you staying in the relationship through fear?
- Is your partner constantly complaining about apparently unreal aches and pains or going from doctor to doctor?
- Does your partner continually make excuses for not finding a job or have reasons for quitting often?
- Are you bothered by your partner’s spending habits and inability to budget?
- Does your partner seem overly jealous and suspicious – questioning your word all the time and feeling that everyone is against her/him?
- Is the one you date a perfectionist and constantly critical and picky about things – even about you?
- Are your parents or the significant people in your life strongly against your marriage? Do you sense they are worried for you?
- Do you have very few areas of common interest?
- Do you get upset with the amount of time your partner spends on a hobby or with friends – almost sensing that you come second or third?
- Does your partner find it difficult to accept constructive criticism? Does he/she apologize for wrongs?
- Does your partner have career or business aspirations that bother or disturb you because of your sense of priorities?
- Do you have major disagreements over having children and family values?
- Does your partner make sarcastic comments that are supposed to be funny but they are constantly hurting you?
- Do you find there is a constant hassle about ‘how’ to spend your free time or an ongoing conflict about time spent with family or friends – especially during vacations and holidays?
- Do you have a growing intolerance for your future in-laws and their ‘control and interference’ in your relationship?
- Does your partner try to change when you bring up any of the above worries or concerns you have or do you just see defensiveness, self-justification and no-change? If they won’t change before marriage, what makes you think they’ll change afterwards?